I don't want to oversell this. I'm not writing this to sound like an advert. I'm writing it because I spent a year thinking I was broken — that my body just wasn't going to recover — and it turned out the problem was never my body.
It was the method.
Nobody told me that muscles need resistance to get stronger. Nobody told me that squeezing into thin air, no matter how faithfully, was never going to be enough.
I wish someone had told me that eleven months earlier. I wish someone had told me before I gave up my grandson's football games and stopped going out with my mates and let a gap grow between me and my wife that I'm still trying to close.
If you're reading this and you recognise any of it — the dark trousers, the bathroom mapping, the "I'm fine" that you say to your wife even though you're not — then I want you to know two things.
First: you're not broken. Your muscles just haven't been trained properly. There's a difference.
Second: it doesn't take long. It took me five minutes a day and four weeks. After eleven months of nothing.
The Fortis trainer costs less than two months of pads. It comes with an 8-week protocol that tells you exactly what to do each day. It's completely external — nothing to insert, no wires, no apps. It looks like a piece of gym equipment, it ships in a plain box, and nobody needs to know.
Last Saturday, I stood on the sideline at my grandson's football match for the full game. No pad. No exit plan. No knot in my stomach. Just me, watching him play, yelling when he scored.
He looked over and saw me there and his whole face lit up.
That's what this gave me back.